A Woman’s Right To Shoe

This is not an original title I made myself. Too nice. My words are not that sophisticated. And I don’t really care about shoes. The time I buy a new pair of shoes is when I need one. And the sturdiest, the better for me. So, Manolo Blahnik or Louboutin won’t fit mine. But this is Sex and the City’s episode title. And you are wondering why I need to use this title on the first place? Well, it’s somehow linked to a recent problem I dealt with; moms – young moms these days.

How it started

So, my story started few days ago when I said to a group of my high school girl friends about ‘Militant Breastfeeding Moms’. What’s ‘militant breastfeeding moms’ and why I was bitching about it? Though it’s not related to my story and unimportant, but I should just tell you that it’s a name I invented myself. I refer the terms to a bunch of young moms who aggresively promoting the benefits of breastfeed for babies. Do I have problem with breatsfeeding? Nope. My problem is in how they push other moms to do the same. But, then again, I’m not going to talk about this specific group. I actually want to talk about the I’m-mom-you’re-not group.

I’m-a-mom-you’re-not-group

So this so called group is the kind of mom who keeps talking as a mom. Her life as a mom. Her opinion as a mom. Her day to day activities as mom. Her love to her kids. A perfect wife. A working mom. All the mom attributes in short.

I don’t hate young moms. Envy? Maybe. As I don’t have any kids yet. But my nephews are two hands full for me now. I make recycled accesories for their fashion show at school and I tuck them in to bed and I play with them. And occasionally I feed them. And more often than I hope, help with their toilet training. I grow very attached to them. But yes, I don’t wake up in the middle of the night because they cry or they need their milk, or they wet their diapers too much. But I do take them to doctors and force to their throat some bitter medicines we got from their peditricians. I don’t feel anything missing actually. Although, yes. I only get a fraction of problems of having kids. A small tini tiny one.

What’s Carrie got to do with this?

So, back to Sex and the City episode. The episode is about Carrie who felt upset that her married friend didn’t respect her decision anymore because she’s single. Carrie lost her new Manolo Blahnik because her friend made her left her shoes on the patio and someone took them away. Her friend at first rejected to repay the shoes to Carrie because it cost 485 dollars. She said that she didn’t want to be responsible to such kind of lifestyle. Spending 485 dollars for a pair of Manolo was irresponsible, she thought. That hit Carrie. It hit Carrie in the notion that since her friend had her babies, she became this kind of person who saw everything from the ‘mom-perspective’, where every judgement she made was based on her experience as a mom. For Carrie, that’s not fair. It’s not fair because the single Carrie respected her friend’s decision to have kids and sent her gifts for each of her baby shower.

This experience that Carrie had was to truth, often happens in a real daily life. If you don’t agree, then at least I should say that it happens to me. These kind of exchanges often arises, sometimes out of the blue.

Me: Both weekends and weekdays, I wake up at 8. LOL!
Her: Ah, you get to do that because you don’t have kids…
Me: (mental text) Hmmm…I don’t get why you have to link that and that…

or

Her: You know, you shouldn’t wait any longer to have kids. My child is very adorable, you don’t know how it feels like until you have one.
Me: I know, but the thing is that I want to be financially stable by the time I have kids.
Her: Well, trust me, a child is a bless and each of them brings their own abundance…
Me: I know, but I think it’s wiser to wait.
Her: (looking at me in disbelief, sighing)

You may live your life, but let me live mine

I can totally see and get the idea how joyful is being a mom. A maybe an out-of-this-world kind of experience. Something I’ve never had before, of course. But you know, I kinda get the idea. And I’m happy for you moms. Honestly. For having a copy of yourself. Someone you thought so vulnerable yet so magical. A total responsibility and a burden to life, but instead you see them as gifts. Wonderful! Mazel tov! Congratulation! Felicitation!

But on the other hand, I want to wait. And I take whatever responsibilities that come with it. So, I don’t want to beg, because I guess you know by now how much I respect your decision. I only expect that you’ll return the favor.